Learn the real reasons why you disconnect from your partner?
As I wrapped up my relationship group coaching program, I noticed something really important.
There are a lot of people who desire to connect. But, their partner was either unavailable or too much has happened that’s causing disconnect in the relationship. The resulting feelings are ones of despair, loneliness, and disconnect in your relationship.
Now, why was this happening?
In all those scenarios, there’s one thing in common. And, you may or may not have already noticed this in your own relationship — it’s the fear of getting hurt.
Have you considered the real reason why disconnect, arguments, and frustration happens?
The reason we feel all the negative feelings in the relationship is because our needs are not met. Think about it. Any time you’re frustrated or angered or disappointed by your partner — what’s it really about? It’s about a need that hasn’t been met.
Something you might not have considered is that you hold beliefs about those needs that are affecting your relationship.
Now, a belief is a story you have told yourself. So, if you hold a belief that your needs will not be met no matter how you ask for it, then that will drive all the conversations.
So, my question to you is — what do you believe about your needs?
Do you have a fundamental belief that your needs will be met? A belief that you will have a relationship where you’re loved and desired. A relationship where you can meet your own needs or your partner will.
Or, do you hold an unconscious belief that it’s not possible? If you hold this belief that it’s not possible, how does it play out?
In my experience of working with people, when you hold a belief that your needs are or will not be met, it plays out as anger, frustration, disappointment, and disgust towards your partner.
And, all of this leads to that disconnect in your relationship!
Now, this next part — you may or may not already know intuitively. But, self worth, or how you feel towards yourself, plays a huge role in how connected or disconnected you feel towards your partner.
Let me explain.
Let’s say Jane unconsciously believes that she’s not good enough. She’s going to attract a partner, unconsciously, that reinforces that belief — is she not?
And, it will play out as how she allows herself to be treated and how she treats her partner.
You may or may not have already realized that when you start working on yourself, things will start to shift. You will start to have internal and external clarity.
We can’t change anyone. And it’s not our job to change anyone.
The only thing you can do is start to work on yourself. And when you do, you’ll start to notice the shifts.
P.S. If you’re ready to live a life devoid of stress and be the master of your destiny, whatever you do, tune in to my Create Your Vibrant Life podcast every Thursday for new episodes!